dingy, pasty, gray
by chinawrites
Summary: Flashback/drabble to Mai's childhood.
1. Chapter 1

And I never had a problem as long as I did what I was told

"I was a rich only child who got anything I wanted as long as I behaved."

Mai woke quickly to the soft sounds of her caretaker, Koto. The old lady was prodding her gently and withered under the look Mai gave her.

"What is this?" She asked. Although her voice was devoid of emotion, Koto bowed her head, hearing the unspoken scorn.

"You must get ready for the state reception tonight, Miss Mai."

Mai groaned and lifted her dark head off her pillow. She yawned quietly before following Koto to the adjoining room. Mai faced the long, slim mirror and gazed into her eyes before removing her clothes. Her lush black hair framed a pale face devoid of emotion and gave an appearance of a child that was not altogether there. She stood still as Koto began to zip up the traditional Fire Nation formal wear. Mai's dress was crimson red with detail in gold and an onyx flower pattern. Koto slipped golden shoes onto Mai's tiny feet and led her to a stool, in which she began applying makeup. As layer after layer was applied to her face Mai felt herself slowly losing herself, as if her soul had been replaced with a haunted ghost that looked like Mai, but wasn't. The real Mai would have been outside trying to catch the attentions of the Fire Nation Prince, Zuko, or walking through the city streets. Instead, she was shut up at home like a prisoner, forever roaming the endless gardens and weaving for eternity. Mai felt her lips being stained with red and her eyes deepening but said nothing. She reached for the wooden box lying on the far left of her dresser and took it into her hand, tracing the intricate inlay of fire breathing dragons over and over. Koto opened the box and took out delicate earrings of ruby and gold, a gift from Mai's father on her 13th birthday. Mai felt the earrings being fastened onto her ears and could not believe she was only thirteen. It was as if she had lived for an eternity. As if she had already died and was reliving her life again. Imitating the successful wives of Fire Nation generals, she gracefully rose up from her stool, walking to meet her mother in the garden. Her mother was already dressed, her eyes flickering quickly as she appraised Mai. Mai's mother beckoned Mai to follow her into her own bedchamber and sat Mai down at her own dresser. Her mother began to slowly brush Mai's hair as Mai's eyes traced the design of her mother's mirror. Mai's mother picked up a hair clip that sparkled in the candle light and fastened Mai's hair so it was half up, half down. With that, mother and daughter stepped out of the bedchamber to await the carriage that brought Mai to the mouth of the Fire Nation Palace.

Inside, there was quiet, ambient chatter. The best bands from captured colonies played for their lives as royalty greeted each other in an already predesigned fashion. Mai followed her parents to greet Ty Lee and her family, who was dressed in a perky ensemble of pink and red. Ty Lee's smile was no match for the dull spirit of Mai, who quickly felt herself perk up before rearranging her features to have no emotion. Throughout the reception, Mai felt as if she was watching herself as a robot. The plastic smiles of people who she knew hated her father never came off as they complimented her hair, her eyes, her smile, everything. She responded with flattering but graceful remarks, and could feel her father's eyes watching her as her mother beamed with pride. No other family had such a beautiful, well behaved child like Mai.

But it could not go on forever. Mai's dress was getting awfully tight, and her lips were dry from smiling so often. She felt dizzy, as if she was to faint, and was about to retreat into a secluded corner before she heard the trumpets sound. It was the royal family. It was Zuko! Mai felt a real smile tug at her lips as she made eye contact with the handsome young boy. Within a second, he was by her side, leading her away from her family and into the gardens. Away from the scathing remarks her father had made in the carriages, from the bitter bruises she knew Zuko did his best to avoid when he held her, away from the wild look in her mother's eyes, away from everything.


	2. Overdue betrayal

Because I love Zuko more than I fear you

Because I love Zuko more than I fear you.

Zuko's ears were muffled by the wind and the crash of water along rocks as his girlfriend had betrayed the fire nation. How he wished he could have been there to listen to her, to see the mutinous face he knew was on his sister. Now they were both traitors, both exiles. He longed to leap over the railing and take her away with him. So he could explain, so he could make it all go away. So he could make her understand. But he couldn't. War waited for no one, and there was no one who understood war better than Fire Nation royalty. He knew one day the time would come, and it finally had.

Saving the jerk who dumped me.

Mai's blades flashed in the sunlight as hours of training quickly took out the guards. Azula's eyes were murderous, and her bottom lip was curled up in rage. Mai shook her head. Azula would never understand because she was too brainwashed to be revived. Just like the Fire Lord, the officials. Sharp as steel but gluttonous. Like Admiral Zhao that would never see daylight again. Sooner or later, Azula would find out she had been played, that her father never intended to make her his successor. She would find out that like herself, everyone else had their own agenda. And then one day maybe she would stumble upon the old diary Mai had snuck into her room before they departed. The one with the carefully written letter she'd written hours before they left, in haste. Mai would never conform into Azula's first mate. The only boat she would crew on was Zuko's.


	3. her raindrops

"But you could have stayed, she yelled

"But you could have stayed, she yelled." They were alone, secluded into a dark cave. Outside it was pouring rain as if the gods were determined to drown them in their most hated element: water.

Zuko's eyes shut closed and his body fell to the floor with a small thud. Mai was huddled far away, at the mouth of the cave, her eyelids twitching because she would never be able to make him understand.

"I had no choice, Mai. There wasn't another chance for me to see the avatar. It was for the good of our country." His reply was brisk in length, but angry. Zuko's raspy voice carried out above the pattering rain that seemed as if it would never stop. The cave floor was wet where she was sitting. She turned to face him and in a moment, he was able to see her heartbreak. Zuko could see that she had been abandoned and alone; afraid and scared. Her face was streaked with tears of her own and raindrops that were streaking down her cheeks, unchecked.

She tried to block her ears out of the sound of his voice, drowning his feeble attempts to make her feel worthy with her own feeling.

"You want me to express myself? LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

"But you could have stayed," she repeated. "You could have acted like you cared more, you could have given me an explanation." Now she was yelling, softly at first but building momentum. "You could have written more or talked to me or done something! Anything!" Now Zuko was able to clearly see the rivulets of her own tears running down her face, becoming one with the rain. But she quickly recovered and her sobs subdued into silence. She whispered: "You could have let me come with you."

Zuko looked as if he had been slapped into the face. The rain began to stop and the first rays of sunlight beamed through tumultuous clouds, washing away signs of worry with happiness. He crossed the length of the cave to sit next to Mai, warming her shivering body with quick bursts of flames and picked her up, carrying her to his sleeping bed. He would never leave her alone again.


	4. Ursa's story

Random drabble about Zuko and Mai-from when they were little

Random drabble about Zuko and Mai-from when they were little

The rain drummed a testy little rhythm on the metal roof above their heads. Mai and Zuko huddled together, lost and alone in the woods. Thirteen year old Zuko lifted his head off of Mai's comfortable, warm shoulder as soon as he noticed her sniffling. That tears were trailing down her eyes. And that she was shaking, whimpering in pain. He shot up and quickly pulled the cloaks around her and there was an awkward lull of silence. Finally, when it appeared Mai would remain mute unless he began the conversation, Zuko started talking:

"One day, in a far away land, my mother was visiting her relatives. It was a big kingdom, and they were royalty there, just like us. As she was in the carriage, shielded by the curtains, my mother thought she had heard someone chuckling evilly. But when the sheer netting parted and she saw her aunt greet her, my mother's fears were gone. She dined with her relatives and had a splendid time.

Soon enough, it had grown late and she was on her way home. Although her aunt and uncle protested and beckoned for her to stay at their estate for the night, my mother refused the offer. She wanted to be able to wake up and see the sunset as early as possible the next morning. My mother bid them goodbye and climbed into the carriage to begin her journey home. She dozed in the carriage as it made it's way back to the inn she had been staying at. Suddenly, a horse neighed and the carriage tipped. The horses had been alarmed and bolted along the path at breakneck speed, pulling my mother and her carriage along. They furiously rode through the forest and strayed from the path. Finally, my mother felt her carriage come to a stop. She quickly climbed out of it to see where she was."

Zuko wiped his brow as he felt the rain begin to slow down. He found a bucket in the shed they were in to hold the water falling from the roof cracks.

"It was unlike anything she'd ever seen before. The forest was quiet and the servants that had accompanied her onto the trip were no where to be found. My mother began to cry because she was alone, stuck in the wilderness with no one to help her at night. She sat onto a big fat rock and let her tears fall to the green floor.

However, my mother's reverie was broken by looking up at the sky when an owl hooted. She was greeted by the biggest constellation of stars she'd ever seen. Looking at the starts twinkling and smiling down at her was like a sign from the spirits. My mother was seized with a sense of determination. Who said girls had to be weak and incompetent? My mother jumped onto a horse and tried to follow its path of footsteps, eventually finding her way back to the trail.

It took all night to ride her way back to the inn. Although the night was long, my mother was determined to find her way back by herself. Finally, just as dawn broke, she took sight of the gold and red roof of the inn and dusted herself off. Knocking on the inn's door, my mother would never forget the look of surprise when the innkeeper found a disheveled Ursa that was covered in muck, but beaming brightly.

She slept for the whole day, regaining her strength before being accompanied back to the Fire Nation capital, where her husband was waiting. Although the fire nation officials offered to kill the servants who were with her on the journey, my mother refused. She believed if it wasn't for their misbehavior, she would have never been forced to think the way she did."

Mai sniffled and looked at Zuko as he finished up the story. He smiled encouragingly back at her. "It'll be alright, Mai," he said as the rain came to a complete stop, "we'll find a way to get back home." Zuko took Mai's small palm into his and led her outside, as the clouds parted and they were bathed in moonlight and the energy the stars gave off. "Everything's gonna be ok."

Hope you enjoyed it

Reviews appreciated.


	5. tomorrow

The final bell rang

The final bell rang. Fire nation's finest of children stomped out of the school like the herded earth prisoners they'd been brainwashed to despise. But the most important four children had never stepped foot into that school. They stayed, as usual, in the confines of the palace, solidity and alone.

Zuko, age 12, toiled mercilessly over geography. His desk, carved wood that shone in the candlelight, was stacked high with books of maps, history and warfare. The professor clicked his tongue impatiently as Zuko's brush skirted past white sheets of paper to finally come to a complete halt.

One motion and the paper was handed over. The professor scanned his failing eyes over

Zuko's supreme penmanship and masked the approval lingering upon his lips and nodded once. He was done for the day. With that, the boy quickly exited from his room.

Mai, coming from the room opposite, had tired eyes from reading. Although fire nation law prohibited women from becoming educated, there was no ban against reading. Therefore, Mai would steal away to the fire nation library in the palace and read until she heard Zuko's footsteps retreating from his room. Then, she would quickly walk out of the library to watch him exit the palace and walk into the garden.

But this time, they collided into each other. Mai was thrown to the floor as Zuko accidentally tripped over her. Their cheeks flaming in embarrassment, Mai and Zuko repel like water and oil, muttering quick apologies to the other.

"So sorry-," said Zuko, his ponytail askew.

Mai simply bowed to him and fled the area, tears making her eyes feel swollen and inhuman. After Zuko seeing her so clumsy, there were no chances for them to be together.

_No one liked a clumsy girl._

She entered her home before composing herself again and quietly walked to her room, where Mai picked up the embroidery she'd left off on. Hours passed as Mai's needle wove in and out of the fabric, depicting Zuko's name in colors of black and red. She paused as she heard footsteps outside her room and stashed the fabric away. Not a moment later, Koto entered the room, pulling Mai from the couch onto the makeup chair, where she was inspected from head to toe for any imperfections. Koto whispered into Mai's ear, "The fire nation prince is here to see you."

Mai's heartbeat quickened, but she walked into the family gardens with a neutral, if not bored expression on her face. Zuko was sitting on a nearby stone bench, a nervous smile on his face. She walked over to him and gracefully sat down next to him.

"Mai," he began, and then stopped. What was he doing here? Zuko chided himself. She was too beautiful, and he so desperately wanted to be her boyfriend. There was no way she would say yes.

But Mai's eyes met his, pulling his gaze upward and she relaxed her expression until it was almost sweet. "What?" She whispered.

Nearby, a waterfall made peaceful sounds, creating a symphony of sound with the chirping birds. Sunlight shone in beams through the leaves of the trees, highlighting Zuko's face.

"Will you accompany me to the Fire Nation Dinner?" Zuko's voice quivered, almost nervous in itself, but all of a sudden, Mai smiled. Zuko's heart beat even faster than his already pounding heart in happiness.

"Miss Mai!" screeched Koto, who was beckoning the blushing girl. "You must get ready for dinner," she said. Mai smiled sweetly and rose from the bench.

"Till tomorrow," she said, the emotion leaving her face as she turned to walk back into the house she despised. Zuko didn't know that Mai would count the hours till she could gaze into his hazel eyes again. Mai didn't know she was all he thought about. But Koto knew. Her smile was gentle, and her touch was kind, as she led Mai into her house. Tomorrow it was.


	6. empty snail shell

Mai's quiet sobs echoed through her bedchamber as she curled up in a little ball on her bed

Mai's quiet sobs echoed through her bedchamber as she curled up in a little ball on her bed. All the candles were off save one lantern flickering by her nightstand, giving off an eerie glow. She would have been frightened by its presence if she hadn't been so consumed in grief. The words of her mother kept haunting her, as if she was reliving the whole nightmare again. Scenes played out in her mind, filling her with shame and her cheeks burned in humiliation.

It wasn't right. It wasn't fair! Her life had never been fair. She knew this and she was barley 10. Mai sniffled and looked around her darkened bedroom in distaste. It had been commissioned to suit her tastes by the finest architects of the fire nation. Not a dime had been spared, from the elaborate designs on the ceilings to the marble and granite that accentuated the room. It was perfect for her parents but too terribly wrong for her.

She had everything a girl could ever want: a perfect home, social status, the right friends, and the right family. The prince of the Fire Nation liked her, for Agni's sake! But Mai could tell her home was broken, her social status temporary, and her friends fake. It was obvious Azula was always going to treat her as a lackey and that Ty Lee would never understand why she was so moody all the time. Was it so hard for her for her mother to care about her or her father look at her with real love? Mai had watched the lower class families on government holidays and wished her family could stop cheating and lying to each other.

Mai saw many things, and wished many more, but at the end of the day she would remain broken, upset, and angry. Why? Because she had learned long ago never to show her true feelings, to remain hidden and masked from the world. The others would never understand her father beat her or that her mother ridiculed her because she wouldn't ever tell anyone.

Mai was as shut up as an empty snail shell and she would never emerge from its protective armor ever again.


End file.
